Take an international group of expeirenced journalists and put them in a room with one of the world’s biggest entertainment icons before the biggest sporting event in the world and what do you get? A news conference so bad it makes us want to day drink even more than we already do. Get me a scotch up, it’s five o’clock somewhere!

We’ve been looking forward to writing Justin Timberlake’s Big Show Preview because it contains two of our favorite things: a mega-event and a mega-superstar. We never thought we’d be gently chiding our fellow media brethern for asking a series of questions lacking the depth of a puddle. The goal was for Justin to give us some insight into his big Super Bowl halftime show this Sunday.

So what did we learn? Not Much.

The questions started out good enough, even if they were obvious. Would ‘N Sync or even Janet Jackson(!) join him back on the Super Bowl stage? His answer: “Uh. Well. No.” Well there you have it. “My band, The Tennessee Kids, I feel like they’re my special guests and I’m excited this year to rock the stage.” Um, your band isn’t a bunch of special guests. They’re your peeps. Your posse. But we’ve seen JT with the Tennessee Kids, and they’re great together. But he hinted at a few surprises. “Without giving too much away, we’re doing a few things with this halftime show that they’ve never quite done before. So I’m excited to do that. I always like to push to do something like that.”

Do You Believe In Miracles?

The next best question came from a junior (kid) reporter for NBC Sports, who had done his research. He reminded JT that he said his main goal of the show was to get Super Bowl announcer Al Michaels to shake his booty. So our intrepid young reporter asked how Timberlake planned to get the announcer booth shakin’. “If I can get Al to dance I think that would be a huge accomplishment. A personal accomplishment.” Then JT let slip one song on his set list. “I think the odds are good that I’ll have a little Can’t Stop The Feeling in the show. I’m not giving away anything else. Don’t even try it.” And Justin didn’t give anything else away, and the reporters didn’t even try.

A Bad Bromance

Justin and Tom Brady are BFFs. Bros. And their friendship was the source of endless questions. In the end we learned that JT would invite TB to his Super Bowl party, but Brady’s always in it. And he’s a HUGE admirer of his hair. We can all sleep better tonight knowing that. Justin’s also a big Patriots fan, and is willing to scrap the halftime show if his services are needed elsewhere. “If all of your recievers go down I’ll be ready to go. So shoot me a text.”

Granted, this isn’t The Barbara Walters Celebrity Interview or Robert Mueller’s grand jury questioning. It’s a fun event. But if you only get to ask one question, make it count! Or you can ask a follow up question about Justin’s favorite donut filling. There was a moment when Timberlake got serious, saying “I feel so grateful everyday to have the opportunity to bring people joy through my favorite thing to do which is write and perform music and so to do that on such a grand stage, we’re going to take it seriously we want everyone to have a ton of fun.”

What Else Is There

We really wish we had more meaty content to serve up for you to wash down with a stiff drink. But here’s a recap of what we learned:

Justin hopes people have fun.

Tom Brady has admirable hair.

Can’t Stop The Feeling will make Al Michaels shake his booty.

Wednesday was Justin’s Birthday (actually we already knew that, but the press corp singing Happy Birthday made us appreciate how good a singer JT is)

The Critic’s Cocktail Recommendation

Jack Daniels and coke. Old No. 7 is made in Justin’s home state of Tennessee. So sip on some JD with JT and enjoy his show.