In a clash of titans, two cinematic classic mega-monsters do battle all over the planet, and inside it. Also, a magic ship defies gravitational shifts and doubles as a defibrillator to restart the heart of a giant monkey. Plus, Earth is hollow and has its own internal sun, making sure other monsters can work on their tan. Additionally, Mechagodzilla can be operated telepathically by a technician in a trance and achieve sentient independence.
But perhaps the most unrealistic part of Godzilla vs. Kong is the depiction of Pensacola’s skyline.
There is so much wrong with GvK, yet it feels so very right.
Screen & Heard
Godzilla vs. Kong is available on HBO Max, but I decided to mask up and hit the theatre for the first time in 56 weeks. RomComs and period dramas are fine to review on a 60″ screen from the comfort of my couch. And with major action releases pushed back to later this year or next, those are about all that’s been offered of late.
But GvK is different. The monsters are larger than life. The fight scenes are epic. The visual effects are solid. The audio is loud and all encompassing. These elements are diminished by home viewing. The things that make bad ass monster movies so bad ass is that they are loud and in-your-face. And I loved it.
I’ll admit, much of my love comes from once again experiencing the ritual of going to the theater. Someone scanning our tickets. Trying to figure out which theater we’re in. The smell of movie theater popcorn almost made me cry from joy. And the best part: being able to go out and see a feature with a friend who loves movies as much as I do.This was the perfect movie to get me to return to movie theaters.
GvK celebrates the best of mega monster movies, but, it also embodies the worst of them. A conspiracy-theorist podcaster acts as an obvious narrator to get the audience up to speed and also to give Millie Bobby Brown someone to act with. If you’re looking for MBB to interact with weirdness, binge Stranger Things. A lot of characters appear, make minimal impact, then just kind of go away. If you’re looking for a monster movie with character development, rent The Shape of Water. The laws of physics aren’t really laws so much as they are scientific ideas we’re not really married to. If you can’t suspend scientific disbelief, rent The Theory of Everything.
Also, it took 40 minutes before we got to the first monster fight. That’s why we’re here. Yes, there is monster mayhem and destruction early on, but that’s mostly monsters rebelling against humans. When the title is Godzilla vs. Kong, don’t make me wait for the start of act two to see Godzilla fight Kong.
On the whole, GvK is better than most movies in this genre. It’s loud and fun! It’s the movie we need right now.
The Critic’s Cocktail Recommendation
I’m drinking a Floridian IPA in support of Pensacola. No sooner did they get a cinematic skyline upgrade than a titan shoots up from the sea sends it all to hell.